Moving to Dallas was supposed to be my attempt at approaching life with a new clean slate, but in reality I was being held back by my emotional need to have a partner, something I have struggled with a good portion of my young adult life, also something I think a lot of young women can relate to by the way. This is final post to my three part series (you can find Part 2 here and there’s also a link to the original post within that article) addressing the whole process of “honoring the process” as weird as that sounds.
I had mentioned before that I was blessed to receive some much needed advice in the right timing from what I consider a newfound friend and confidant. She holds some of the same hippie ideals as me, stating that everything happens for a reason and that I should take the time to really sort through my emotions instead of making a hasty decision like running back home to California, and ultimately ending up somewhere where I didn’t want to be originally. Although I was a hidden crying mess, short tempered and definitely did not want to be bothered, she explained to me that in order to honor the process I had to go through these emotions. And honestly, think about it, if I went back to California I would have been doing the same thing and ON TOP of those horrible waves of disregard, disrespect, and abandonment, I would have felt like a failure. Just running home to mommy and daddy to help me get through another difficult situation. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with leaning on your family in a time of need, they are your backbone after all, but I knew I had just got played as though I was some weakling, and that’s just something I’m not.
I had also mentioned that my crying fits had subsided and been replaced by more of a hatred, as harsh as that sounds. Once I settled all of my paperwork, put in my report with a detective, and had them take pictures of my injuries there was really no more to be angry about. I mean, yes, I am still livid overall, but I couldn’t walk around wondering when he was going to be arrested or what else I could do to make sure he “felt my wrath”. I began channeling my energy back into work, after all that was the only way that my financial situation was going to improve. Again, my confidant came through and referred my resume to some of her colleagues, scheduled a nerve-racking interview, and I picked up a new job not only closer to the place I’ll be staying, but also a pay raise and full benefits including a 401K (yes, I am officially an adult now!) all within one to two weeks after this traumatic point in my life. I also found an awesome roommate that had been in a similar situation with her ex husband, so having a woman that I could relate to with cohesive work schedules is ideal.
And like I said, this all happened within a week and a half of my run in with abuse! I honored the process, stuck to my guns and filed my paperwork, and focused my energy elsewhere: on myself. Now, this is literally a unicorn, meaning these circumstances just do not tend to happen that easily, but I would be a fucking fool to not take advantage of them. The only way I can explain this complete 360 flip is that it was empowering to know that I could do it by myself. I mean, of course my family helped me a great deal with temporary housing and the referral, but I wouldn’t have put myself in that position to interact with them or make the connections that I have if this situation had not happened and I took a stance for my own self respect.
As corny as it sounds, I am looking forward to what life has coming for me and I am confident that I have gained the skill of thoroughly evaluating the outcomes of potential decisions I can make. Bad things happen to good people sometimes, but I truly feel those good people that stay resilient come out on top. I have been fortunate to not have had to deal with too many life threatening experiences, but I also realize that life comes full circle, things happen for a reason, and you have to honor the process.
Fun little way to end this tale of… lets say vitality…. is that I went out this past weekend to Dave and Busters, yes with a boy. But it was literally all in good fun! I had such a good time, I wasn’t overthinking if he was having a good time because I could clearly tell that he enjoyed my company, no weird vibes that I had to pick up and try to decipher. Trust me, I am definitely taking a break from dating and relationships but it was just so refreshing to have genuine fun, something I could have been doing this whole time if I wasn’t so focused on keeping someone else happy rather than myself.
Hope you were able to take something from my three part series, no matter what walk of life you come from. Now, I can get back focused on some more creative/trending posts….oh! I have shots from my last two photo shoots that I’m so excited to share as well (talk about another boost of confidence), so good things to look forward to!